As the year comes to a close...not just the calendar year, but the first year of my daughter's life, I prepare to close a chapter of my life --- NURSING (a.k.a. Breastfeeding). If you have never breastfed a baby (ie: you are a man, you have no children, or for whatever reason you chose not to or could not nurse your baby) skip this post. It will make no sense to you. If however you nursed your child(ren) and especially if you did it for an extended period of time....then lend me your ear.
Nursing "is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma" to steal and misquote a phrase from Winston Churchill. How can you love and hate, dread and treasure, cringe at and warm to something at the same time. It is just something you have to experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Now I am not a "la leche league" spokesperson. I will tell you that it DOES hurt and it WILL be hard and you WILL probably want to kill people (your husband or that adorable baby) at times AND you will stress and obsess and worry endlessly about whether or not they are getting enough milk...but if you press on past the beginning an amazing transformation will happen and you will not just love the baby, but love the time you spend nursing her. And when you see those fat rolls start to develop, you can look on them with pride and say, "I did that!!!" Nothing better.
As I approach the first birthday (still 5 weeks away) I am both excited and saddened by the idea of weaning. I am looking forward to the thought of being able to be away from Sadie for more than 3 or 4 hours (yes, she still has me on that short of a leash). We have yet to go to the temple -- a 6 hour trip even if you don't stop for food -- or go to dinner AND a movie -- a 4 hour event -- or spend a day apart (let alone a night apart). So yes, I am ready to regain some of my freedom and independence. I can't imagine being able to just say, "Eric, you put Sadie to bed." That will be nice to not be the only one who can care for Sadie. But as soon as I say that I am saddened too. Tears even come to my eyes. Because I LOVE being the one to put Sadie to bed and as selfish as it may seem it is kind of nice being the ONLY one who can give her just what she wants and needs. I am the center of her little world right now and I am irreplaceable. I feel like in some ways she won't need me anymore...or at least not in the same way. I know that sounds silly...but if you have ever weaned a baby you may have felt that. Or maybe I'm just looney.
Nursing for me has been one of the hardest and yet most rewarding experiences of motherhood. I have paid a price, but boy have I reaped the rewards tenfold.
5 comments:
ok, that made me get teary too, and its been almost 2 years since I stopped. You were actually one of my earliest and strongest cheerleaders for nursing. I still remember calling you during our first babies and you telling me, "If you can make it a few more weeks, you'll be ok" As much as I was ready to stop with my last one, I still miss so much about it. I'm lucky I was able to, and lucky to have good support (ha! ha) around me. (mostly by that, I mean family and friends) ;)
I just read another blog that said, "Nursing could have its own major." So true! You're a great mom, thanks for the inspiration.
I am already starting to worry about weaning Maddie and she is only 7 months. Your entry could be in a motherhood book. You put it so nicely. It is so wonderful yet such a pain. I guess that is motherhood for you wrapped up in a shell. Anyways your entry really was special and made me get vaclemt(?).
Ahhh, the joys and pains of mothering!!
Heather,
That was so beautiful. You really should submit that to a magazine that is pro nursing. It made me cry, and it's been 27 years since I nursed!! But it seems so vivid, and with less and less of the pain memories! You're great.
MOM
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